Carta, de otra persona para ti
Querido yo,
Querido Yo del Futuro. Claramente no es correo de ti para ti, pero de otra persona. I am trying my best not to reach out and that’s my speciality at the end, I will not text first and I will not call you at all (try to). Although I am writing this, it’s a way for me to get this weight off me, it’s emotionally draining as well as mentally, I can’t be dealing with mixed feelings and not able to speak out because nobody knew what we exactly had, some did know we talked though. Welp (Well), what I wanted to say is:
I don’t think you ever got my point and what I tried to communicate you. My point was that I didn’t want you to be a secret, at least not long term but stop being at some extent. You being a secret was something that was messing with my head because every time a fight took place or we argued, I had to process all by myself and I was not able to talk about it with my friends. What I was trying to say was that it is mentally exhausting; I had enough with all the things you said and done, it is a lot to deal with and it’s just me without feedback or advice from my closest loved ones/friends. I definitely did not say that for us to work out (as a couple), we have to act or be hidden from the world, but I didnt say it needs to be public to work either.
It’s already broken, it started that way, I told you thousand times it was never going to work. I wasn’t it saying because I’m some type of insane person but because I’ve been there, you know dam well how my previous relationship before you was. You were not the first guy to tell me “If you keep thinking about it, then it won’t work out”, of course not, I know it wasn’t gonna work, I knew. I have always had good relationships at the beginning, it’s all joy and then shit like that happens, they fuck it up and the mentally unstable it’s me and not them. Don’t ask me to treat you like I did back in 2021, she doesn’t exist anymore and she never will. I know it’s not entirely your fault, I don’t know whose fault it is at this point, but what I am certain of, is that I’m not at fault for how my mental health is right now but the contributers to it.
Also, the comments you made while I was single, out of nowhere you were saying that i might have been an object for one of the guys I used to talk with, loud and wrong. You said “What If I was the one in your place” You weren’t, and even if u are, i think it was better to see u jump between women as a single dude but not jump into a relationship where i was able to see you with her on social media (at least from others people accounts), not better but on which case i would feel less shitty. At least you got the better view, which is was not seeing me with someone else at all, in either case I feel like you are in no position to judge me.
I might be impulsive (I am) but drive me nuts, literally, you make me feel things thousand times stronger and I feel like going crazy. So I don’t feel it’s fair that u call me indifferent, because I’m not. If I were someone who does not care, you weren’t be able to get a reaction from me at all, never. I know because there were people waiting for that reaction and never got one because I did not care enough. Don’t say I dont care because I express myself in a different way, I might get dry (Cortante) and I am aware of it but that I don’t care is something that I will never agree with. I have always care, even when I said that I wouldn’t comment at all on a argument we have and that I wouldn’t complain because I expect from you a change without the need from me to telling you what to do, saying all that stuff for me at the end to do complain because I do care and I wanted to get a reaction from you. Again, I do care because since I’ve been single (after we broke up, literally) I hadn’t been able to say “ mi amor” to anyone, specially to their faces. I know you hate when I START COMPARING. AND I WILL KNOW but I need you to understand that you know nothing about or how I feel, because somehow I end up opening to you but never to people that expected that from me. I ended up opening up (somehow, because i never did fully these whole months) to someone who hurt me, you, and never to someone who did everything without expecting it back. Please I beg you, reserve those adjectives that you said I am because then you don’t know me at all. I was always hard to open up or show affection because I don’t like to sweeten up stuff or people unless I do feel it, genuine. Literally, that why we won’t be the same, ever.
Last but not least, I didn’t turn my location off to go and hang out with any guy I met a few days ago, because we dont even have same majors nor go to the same classes or even campus. I turned it off because I was on my way to my volunteering in the middle of a big ass parking and I started crying, or tearing up, so i didnt want to stay in the same spot for 10 fucking minutes crying/crashing out. I made that decision having a mental breakdown, I can’t handle that much pressure on me, not when I have so much academic stuff going on right now and you know damn well how busy i might get. I will compare again, i was so calm and chilling around a different time before this because I was able to focus on my own shit, that doesn’t happen when I’m with you, i dont know why. I don’t know whats going on, why every aspect of my life starts falling off or getting out of the equilibrium for something I can easily cut things off. Although I can give it a new opportunity (to the thing we had), I feel I will go crazy every other week and I can’t handle it, I’m on my limit and I’m not sure if I’m able to trust you, I feel like I can’t.
The tattoo was more like a gesture or a way to show me affection, I didn’t want you to have it because you must have to, but you’re aware that you said it or brought the topic up for the very first time. If you did not want to have it, you shouldn’t have mentioned ever again. And then you had the nerve to ask me about the exact date when the thing with Santi happened and said in low tone “Ah entonces me lo hago”, do you do stuff for other people expecting something back or putting conditions on it? In what world do you think thats a nice thing to hear? I wasn’t expecting you to actually get it but it made me think “No merezco esto por tal cosa?” Or feel like I’m not being appreciated enough because of a single thing. And i start overthinking, and I don’t feel its only the fact that you cheated but this type of comments.
I’m tired. And I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren’t nothing although you know thats not true at all. I had more words from my last paragraph but I feel this is covering part of it, at least enough for you to get some of it. I don’t expect you to come back, I asked to whatever’s out there, if you’re not for me then this will never work out. If you are… then you know the answer. Take care and please stop with you allegations regarding how I feel about you, because sometimes I don’t even know how myself feels. Thank you and good vibes for your relationship, if you’re already in one by the time this letter gets to you. (: Gracias, ik it is a lot of words (7000 letras or so)
Con cariño, tu yo de 16-11-2025 ✉
Entregada en 2025